If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
