You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
