Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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