if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
