I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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