He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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