I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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