The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What a dumb baby whore.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
