it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You did what with his pubic hair?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
