clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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