I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize