For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
