I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
