Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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