Soap is not a condiment
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize