great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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