I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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