they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
