Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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