He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
my poor anus
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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