I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
