If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
