I hate all girls vehemently.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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