I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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