He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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