I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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