can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
