she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
