I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
