my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My bed smells like the plague
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
