That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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