she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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