The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
