I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
