Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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