I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
