For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
thus making me awesome and them whores
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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