I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
