At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
