Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
