I puked a lego.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
