his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
