Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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