please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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