They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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