OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
