don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
