if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
