Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
