i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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