She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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