And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Vodka?
Forever.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
