Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
