At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
As shirtless as possible
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
