Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
