omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize