We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
