My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
