She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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