i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
