I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
