I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
