I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
