Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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