Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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