saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
