I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
