Sponge bath it is.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
