broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
there is puke in my bra ... again
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