Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
