Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
