I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
