I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
