Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
