When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
