i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
