im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
