the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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