But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
