i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I cut my penus on the lid.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
