careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
