Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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