found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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