I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
