A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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