I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
