You're completely useless in the revolution.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
