Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
