D3 body, D1 cock
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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