sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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