I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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