I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There r osticjed everywhere
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
