I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
