i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
